How to Access Your State of Empowerment in Challenging Times

The strategy discussed in this article is based on cognitive behavioral and humanistic theories of change.

Law of attraction

The law of attraction dictates that you attract what you focus on. In other words, you become a magnet for love, joy, freedom, etc., when your focus is on things that generate those positive feelings. When however, your focus is on fear, resentment, despair, etc…then undesirable outcomes ensue. According to the law of attraction in order to achieve peace, love and happiness, your focus should mostly be on these positive aspects of life.

It’s easy to focus on these aspects when good things are happening, but what about when tragedy strikes? Bad things happen to all of us (ex: money issues, death, illness, etc…). So, how then, is it possible to prevent fear, anger, and despair from taking over under those circumstances?

A seven point strategy meant to help you access your state of empowerment

Following this strategy will empower you to take ownership of your experience. In doing so, you’ll stop feeding into the destructive thinking process that leads to a sense of powerlessness. On a separate sheet of paper, write down your insights:

1- Describe the challenging situation and the emotions associated with it.

Before you can come to terms with a situation you have to understand it clearly. Taking the time to describe it will allow you to step back and gain a better perspective of how the events and the people involved affect how you feel about yourself.

Here are two examples:

-Mary’s story: “My boss’ condescending ways cause me to feel incompetent and ignorant. The more incompetent and ignorant I feel the more mistakes I make. The more mistakes I make the more he’s on my case. I now have doubts about my ability to succeed not only at work but in my field as a professional.”

-Paul’s story: “When I was a hardworking, physically active, energetic man, I felt powerful and in control. Due to an accident that left me paralyzed from the neck down, I now feel useless and vulnerable. Not being able to work, depending on others and not being a productive member of society make me feel worthless. I used to have goals and ambitions and now I’ve lost my life’s purpose.”

2- Describe how this experience affects your view of yourself as a person.

The meaning that you draw from the situation will dictate how you feel about yourself and how you experience life. For example, “flunking the test means that I’m a failure. If I’m a failure then I can’t succeed in life. If I can’t succeed then I might as well give up.”

In this case, the sense of failure will lead to missed opportunities which will then perpetuate the belief, “I’m a failure and therefore I’ll never succeed in life.” When you believe something to be true of yourself you subconsciously look for evidence in the world to confirm that reality for you. Negative beliefs lead to a sense of powerlessness and defeat whereas positive ones will lead to empowerment and success.

The question should therefore be, “how does this situation or person affect how you feel about yourself?” This will enable you to take ownership of your experience.

For example:

– Mary: “Because I feel stupid, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll never have a successful career. I’m therefore a failure.”

– Paul: “Because I’m handicapped, I’ll never be a productive member of society and I’ll always be a burden to others. I’m worthless.”

3- Describe what you can and can’t change about this challenging situation.

By recognizing what you can and can’t control, you’ll know where to direct your energy in your attempts to implement change. When your focus is directed towards what you can’t control then the outcome is feelings of powerlessness and defeats which results in energy depletion (burnout). Whereas, when your focus is directed towards what you can control, then you generate feelings of empowerment which gives you the motivation and energy to pursue your goals.

– Mary’s situation: “I can’t change my boss’ character and communication skills but I can change how I perceive the situation and how I choose to interact with him to express my thoughts and ideas. I can also choose to find another job.”

– Paul’s situation: “I can’t change what happened to me, the fact that I’m paralyzed from the neck down and the fact that I have to depend on others. I can however change my negative attitude towards life by showing gratitude and appreciation, especially towards the people that care for me.”

4- In every challenge there’s a life lesson that can be learned which will allow you to grow into a wiser more empowered individual. What lesson can you learn from this experience?

In order to use a negative experience to our advantage we need to find the deeper meaning behind it. So, what lesson can you gain from this that will allow you to grow? Is it one of letting go, boundary setting, acceptance, forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, self-respect, etc…?

For example:

– Mary’s situation: “My lesson could be about self-respect and boundary setting. With a gain in self-respect, I would feel motivated to face the situation and would seek to find empowering solutions to the problem. I would then be able to set healthy boundaries for myself and others. Without self-respect, I would remain passive and in doing so would continue to fuel feelings of victimization.”

– Paul’s situation: “My lesson could be one of acceptance and gratitude for life and for the people that are involved in my care. With acceptance I could stop fueling a thought process that leads to despair and hopelessness such as, “why is this happening to me?” I could then begin to learn to be grateful for life’s little moments and for the care and compassion of others towards me.”

5- Describe the internal attributes that you need to acquire in order to feel more empowered.                                                                  

For example do you need more patience, humility, resiliency, courage, faith, flexibility, openness, focus, determination, optimism, etc.? This will help you find what you need to work on to become empowered.

Rewrite your story and include the attributes that you’ve identified. Then notice how your new focus modifies your perspective of the challenging situation.

For example:

– Mary’s situation: “I’m learning that with forgiveness, humility and flexibility, I can welcome feedback from my boss about my work without feeling threatened and defeated. I can then adopt a collaborative attitude and be proactive instead of passive in my interactions with him. I now recognize that my boss’ condescending ways are a reflection of his poor communication skills -which has nothing to do with my skills as an employee. Although I still don’t appreciate the way he talks at me, I no longer take it personally.”

– Paul’s situation: “I’m learning that with resiliency, compassion and gratitude, I have a deeper appreciation for life and for the people that contribute to my wellbeing. I now recognize that my positive attitude brings hope and joy to those around me. I find humor in the simplest things and I have the ability to put a smile on people’s faces, especially when they’re having a bad day. I view this as my new contribution to the world. I now have a renewed joy for life and sense of purpose.”

The last two steps are about applying your insights and new focus to begin changing your life for the better.

6- With these new insights, you can now begin to implement changes in your life.

Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to find logical solutions to problems than it is to change how you feel about yourself and the world around you. The good news is that by applying the knowledge acquired from this strategy to your life, you can stop fueling old patterns of victimization to instead nurture feelings of empowerment. That’s when your life will begins to change for the better. Keep a diary of your experiences and progress.

7- Seek help if you need to, especially if after doing step six you continue to feel powerless.

Use your diary entries as a bases for discussing your experiences with someone who’s unaffected by you situation. This is important because when your loved ones worry with you about your situation then their anxiety adds to your stress. Keep in mind that the best help always comes from someone who can remind you of your ability to overcome adversity in challenging times; if not a friend or family member then a therapist…

Although this strategy is meant to allow you to gain access to your state of empowerment in challenging times, it can be overwhelming to do on your own. For this reason, I offer one-on-one therapeutic consultation as well as Self-Empowerment group therapy.

Contact Anne-Marie Campanella, MA  Web site: http://www.resonanceforlife.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                © Copyright. Resonance for Life Body/Mind Harmonization Center, 2016. All rights reserved. Unpublished. Anne-Marie Campanella MA.